Geek Chic

Well, I've successfully avoided owning a palmtop computer for at least five years. There's an unusual idiosyncrasy about technology in my family: we always want to know what's best, but we won't buy into something half-baked. Everything is an investment in the future, I guess.

At the age of eight or nine, I recall seeing the Radio Shack insert in the Sunday paper and goggling my eyes over their Color Computer, which only cost about as much as a color TV then. My father wasn't impressed with the cost to value ratio. When I wanted the $6.98 Steve Austin action figure, (the real, bionic SA, not that bald-headed thinly-veiled homoerotic sex object) I had to convince Harvey I would continue to play with it past Christmas day. This probably explains why at 32 I still stubbornly hold onto it. (That and the amazing likeness of Lee Majors -- if anyone out there knows who the artist for Kenner was please contact me). Maybe he was concerned about his son playing with dolls...

Anyway, as peeved as I was with his attitude I soon found myself marching in step. When I bought my first computer, a Sinclair ZX81, it was after geek-like precision reviewing against the other offerings of 1982. Bought a crappy secondhand b&w TV for $10 from a repairman who stated that he never wanted to see me bring it back, and I was well on my way.

A touchpad computer not much heavier than a pack of cards, with monochrome display and a whopping 16K added on. Needless to say I was in heaven: a computer of my very own, not a terminal hooked to a PDP somewhere. Before long I passed BASIC and started messing with Z80 machine language.

To make a long history short, I went from ZX81 to Atari 800XL, to the earliest days of Macintosh, and currently own a G4 7500. All carefully picked. In fact, too carefully. When we bought our first Mac Classic, Ruth suggested we get the 80M hard drive. I said, "C'mon, 40M is enough." I'm still mentally bitch-slapping myself over that one.

I wasn't even an instant Mac convert until I went to college and had to use them, back in the dark days of 1985. You remember then, back when copying a MacPaint graphic and pasting it into the KeyCaps desk accessory would bomb the machine out...

So when the Newton arrived on the scene, my feelings were mixed. Incompatible with Mac, but fits in your hand, dude. In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't go that route, but I was miffed when a tech I knew defined the fledgling PalmPilot as "a Newton that doesn't suck."

The Palm didn't suck. But most of the applications for it made it look like a four hundred dollar datebook, and nearly every demonstration model in stores was broken. If you're a college student (or recent escapee from whence) it may not be the most practical use of that much money.

Also, I'm a devotee of the non-computerized method. Not really a neoLuddite, but concerned with recognizing the value of the genius that went into movable type, two sliding pieces of plastic that calculate logarithms, and paper time management tools that creatively challenge you to organize your thoughts. One of the people I worked under in college as a geek computer support person spends his weekends farming, raising chickens and getting to know the dirt around him. Weekdays he runs an ISP. He and I both believe technology should know its place and we shouldn't become hopelessly dependent on it.

Last week Ruth made me an ultimatum. She said that I had two choices. Buy two Handspring Visors or she'd buy one for herself and I could suffer not getting to play with it.

Note to young, unmarried men: when chicks fight, they fight dirty. Expect this.

I gave in, and $250 isn't that much to pay for something that can spreadsheet, send and receive mail, control your TV, let you compose music, play games, store novels, and oh yes, keep track of your appointments. It has the three prerequisites of a real computer:

• Addictive games available
• Limitations to whine about
• "My brand X platform is better than your Y platform" flamewars
  on Usenet

If it's worth arguing fiercely over, it's probably worth having. Go visit the soporific discussions on WebTV's own forums if you don't believe me.

Mainly, one of the reasons I love this gadget is because it keeps me from being bored when I have some free time. I like to write. I like to draw. This lets me do either or both, and upload the results later. Ms. Croft, here, is a good example of how to kill some time, even if it does bring me back to 1985, tools-wise.

So, here I am again, the owner of a touchpad computer not much heavier than a pack of cards, with monochrome display. Go figure.